You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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