someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
