you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
People in love make me want to vomit
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
