Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
