I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
