chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
