we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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