wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
