i was rollin on her like bob the builder
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
