More tranny stories later!
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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