i need an iv and a liver transplant
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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