Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
