I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
