im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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