I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize