my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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