omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize