Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
