I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
