I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
