i can't believe i had my finger in that
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
