i always forget guys have bellybuttons
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
organizing the empties. That sober.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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