dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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