I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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