I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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