I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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