If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
