Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Screwed.edu
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
