For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
