I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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