I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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