do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm at about main and main street
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
