I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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