Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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