dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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