really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
