I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
