you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
