for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
