Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize