dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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