Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
