i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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