If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He keeps bees of course he's weird
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
