I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
