you would pick up someone in the library
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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