u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
