I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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