the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
