I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
