i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
