just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
