A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
