I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
