She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
