Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
