I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
