We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
