im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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