Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
