I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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