I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Don't tell me you're on acid again
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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