kristin has been a bad kristin
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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